Actor Ed Asner once said, “Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” Although no two parenting experiences are identical, most parents would agree that raising their children is both the toughest and the most rewarding job they have ever had.

Since bringing up children is difficult, parents can feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and like they do not know what they are doing. Parents may especially feel this way when they are trying to discipline their children. While these feelings are normal, it is important for parents to deal with their emotions using healthy strategies so that their children are not adversely affected. Fortunately, there are several tips that can help parents handle their frustrations, feel like they have a better idea of what they are doing, build stronger relationships with their children, and raise their children more effectively.

 

 

Being a parent takes a lot of time and energy. It is a job that lasts 24 hours a day for seven days a week and can make even the most tolerant people lose their patience. It is normal for parents to feel frustrated and lose their patience some of the time.

However, parents need to remember that their children are watching everything they do and looking to them for examples of how to behave. It is important for parents to use strategies to manage their frustrations so that their children do not learn unhealthy ways of dealing with situations that irritate them. Also, if parents do not handle their frustrations in healthy ways, they may get into a pattern of taking their aggravation out on their children, which could harm their children physically and psychologically.

The following strategies can help parents deal with their frustrations to avoid such negative situations:

 

• Take A Break: Sometimes, taking a break can help a parent feel less frustrated. Stepping away for a little while can help a parent catch his or her breath, clear his or her mind, relax, and re-group. Also, taking a break can give a parent time to think about how he or she wants to handle a situation. This can prevent a parent from reacting based solely on emotion, which he or she may later regret.

 

Taking a break can be as simple as walking into another room for a few minutes until a parent feels calmer. Or, parents can work together with each other so that they can take breaks. For example, one parent can watch the children while the other parent runs errands or sleeps in late. Then, the parent who took a break can watch the children while the other parent takes some time for his or herself. Family members and friends can also watch the children to give parents a chance to step away.

 

• Remember That No Parent Is Perfect: When parents put pressure on themselves to be perfect, they can become stressed and frustrated every time they make a mistake. Reminding themselves that every parent makes mistakes will help parents set realistic expectations for themselves. Instead of dwelling on mistakes, parents can learn to give themselves credit for the aspects of parenting that they are good at and constructively work to improve in the areas where they are weaker.

 

• Remember to Take Care of Yourself: People cannot take good care of others if they are not taking care of themselves. Parenting in particular can be more difficult if parents have problems in their own lives related to their jobs, finances, relationships, etc. Parents need to make sure to address and correct the problems in their lives so that they are not too stressed to handle the frustrations of parenthood.

 

Along with addressing their problems, parents also need to make sure that they are getting their needs met. This means doing activities that make them happy, such as visiting with friends. Parents may feel selfish for doing these activities instead of focusing on their children’s needs all of the time. However, by doing activities that they enjoy every now and again, parents will have more physical and emotional energy to put into raising their children. Additionally, when parents meet their own needs, they teach their children that it is important to care about and attend to one’s personal wellbeing.

Tips for Disciplining Children

Disciplining children can be a major source of stress and frustration for parents. Parents may not feel like they know a good strategy to use to correct their children’s behavior and can become overwhelmed by their children’s tantrums and defiance. The following are strategies that can help parents discipline their children:

 

• Establish Set Rules and Explain Them: This helps children understand what is expected of them. If parents make their expectations known, then their children have clear guidelines to follow. Also, it is important for parents to let their children know why those expectations are in place. Children use the rules that they learn from their parents to develop self-control and make decisions about their own behavior as they grow older. Understanding the rationale behind their parents’ rules will help children make more sensible decisions for themselves.

 

• Use Age-Appropriate Discipline: Some types of discipline may be more or less appropriate and effective than others depending on the age of the child. For example, “redirecting” is a strategy that can be used to replace an infant or toddler’s unwanted behavior with an acceptable one. If a toddler is throwing a ball inside the house, and the parent wants to teach him or her that that is not an appropriate behavior, the parent can take the toddler outside to throw the ball. When older children misbehave, parents should explain the consequences of their actions and why it is important to take responsibility for them. When parents talk to their children about their unwanted behaviors, it is important that they criticize the behavior instead of the child, though. For example, instead of saying that a child was “bad,” a parent should say that a behavior was “dangerous,” “inappropriate,” etc. and then explain why.

 

Additionally, parents can use “time-outs” and punishments that deal directly with the consequences of their children’s unwanted behaviors as discipline strategies. A punishment that deals directly with the consequences of a child’s behavior could be to make a child clean off a wall that he or she has drawn on.

 

• Be Consistent: When parents have the same rules all of the time and the same consequences for breaking those rules, it helps their children learn what is expected from them. Also, if a child always receives the same negative consequence for a behavior, at some point he or she will stop doing that behavior because he or she knows what will happen.

 

However, when the consequences for a behavior are not consistent from one day to the next, children become confused about how the rules work. So, it is important for all of the authority figures in a child’s life (e.g., parents, grandparents, baby-sitters, etc.) to be consistent in how they discipline the child.

To make sure that they are consistent, parents can set up a discipline system. For example, they may let their child know that when he or she misbehaves, he or she will get one warning and will then get a consequence if the behavior continues. Once parents set up such a system, it is important for them (and other authority figures in the child’s life) to follow through with consequences according to the system.

 

• Avoid Harsh Discipline: Many parents may consider spanking their children because that is how their parents disciplined them when they were children. However, most experts believe that hitting, slapping, and spanking are not the best tools to use when parents want to teach their children how to behave. Any form of hitting can be humiliating for children and can cause anger, resentment, and even physical harm. Also, no form of hitting does a good job of teaching children the lessons their parents are trying to communicate. Instead of teaching their children why what they did was wrong so that they learn self-control, parents teach their children not to do certain behaviors out of fear when they hit or spank them. Finally, when children are hit or spanked, they are more likely to use aggression themselves to solve disputes, so they are more prone to fighting with other children.

 

Sometimes, parents lose their tempers and discipline their children harshly as a result. Although it does not make someone a bad parent if he or she loses his or her temper occasionally, it is not okay for a parent to take out anger on his or her children in any form (physically, verbally, etc.). This is damaging to children. When a parent loses his or her temper, it is helpful for him or her to step away from the situation and calm down so that he or she does not react out of anger.

If parents feel angry frequently or have trouble controlling their anger, they should talk to their doctors for help before they develop a pattern of abusive behavior. Their doctors can suggest resources for them to try, such as anger management classes or support groups.

Other Tips for Good Parenting

There are several other strategies that parents can use to improve their relationships with their children besides handling their frustrations and disciplining their children in healthy ways. The following tips can also help parents be more successful:

 

• Show Children That They Are Loved Unconditionally: It is important for parents to show their children that they will always love them no matter what – even when children misbehave, even when parents accidentally lose their tempers, and even when parents get frustrated. Children need to know that everyone makes mistakes and that they will not lose their parents’ love when they do something wrong. Parents should show their love every day with hugs, kisses, or by telling their children that they love them.

 

• Listen and Communicate Effectively: When parents listen to their children, they let their children know that what they have to say is important and interesting. Parents also need to communicate effectively with their children. Parents need to make sure that they are giving their children explanations about why they should or should not do something so that they learn how to reason for themselves. Through effective communication, parents and children can work together to solve problems and strengthen their relationships.

 

• Make Children Feel Safe: It is important for parents to make their children feel safe so that they know they are protected as they begin to explore the world. Parents can help their children feel safe by comforting them when they are scared and by providing them with structure, such as regular eating and sleeping schedules and routines, for example.

 

• Spend Time with Children and Be Involved in Their Lives: Spending time together and doing activities together gives a parent and his or her child the chance to connect, bond, and learn about each other. Also, spending time together allows children to get the attention from their parents that they crave. Many times, children’s bad behavior is an attempt to get attention from their parents because they are not getting enough positive attention from them. As children get older, join activities and clubs, and make friends at school, it can become more difficult for parents and children to find time for each other. However, older children need attention from their parents too. Parents can try to be available for their older children if they express a desire to talk, or they can attend activities that their children are participating in, such as band concerts or sports games.

 

• Adapt Parenting Styles as Children Grow Older: As children grow and change, their motivations, behaviors, and needs from their parents change as well. It is important for parents to adapt their parenting styles as their children develop so that they can encourage their children to become progressively more independent.

 

For example, as children mature into teenagers, they may not need their parents’ help in making their decisions in the same way that they did when they were younger. This, however, does not mean that they do not need help from their parents. It just means that parents need to talk to, guide, encourage, and discipline their older children differently than they did when their children were younger. While younger children need their parents to make certain choices for them and then provide explanations for their decisions, teenagers may just need advice from their parents to guide them as they make more of their own decisions.

 

• Be A Good Role Model: Children learn how to behave and how to treat others from observing their parents. So, parents should model the traits and behaviors (friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance, unselfish behavior, etc.) that they want their children to exhibit. Along these lines, the best way for parents to receive respectful treatment from their children is to treat their children with respect. Parents can respect their children by speaking to them politely and listening to their opinions, for example.

 

• Praise Children: Parents have a major influence on the development of their children’s self-esteem. By taking opportunities to praise their children, parents can help them become confident and feel good about themselves. Parents can get into a habit of praising their children more by acknowledging at least one positive thing that their children do each day. Also, when parents praise their children for good behavior, their children will start to act that way more often.

 

• Ask for and Accept Help: Parents may be overwhelmed by feeling that they need to have all of the answers and take care of everything by themselves. However, being a parent is difficult, and parents should not expect to do it all by themselves. Asking for and accepting help when they need it can relieve parents’ stress, prevent them from overreacting, teach them strategies to be better parents, and give them more time and energy to spend having fun with their children.

 

Parents can ask friends and family members to help watch their children and for parenting advice as well. There are also several local resources that parents can turn to for help. For example, many hospitals, community centers, and schools offer parenting classes. Additionally, there are many books and magazines that give parenting advice. Meeting with a counselor or joining a local support group can help parents learn to communicate more effectively and can also help parents work through some of their issues. Calling a parenting hotline number is another option that parents can use for help or advice. Finally, parents can always ask their family doctors for help and advice regarding parenting. Doctors can help parents with issues, such as discipline, and they can also give parents information about other local resources that might be helpful.

Summary

Although parenting is difficult, it can be one of the most rewarding experiences a person ever has. It is normal for parents to become frustrated, particularly when trying to discipline their children. However, it is important for parents to learn to control their frustrations so that they do not take them out on their children.

There are several other tips that parents can use to be more successful, and many of these tips involve the same strategies that people would use when trying to build stronger relationships with other adults. In order to have the best relationship possible with his or her children, a parent needs to treat his or her children the way that he or she would like to be treated, listen to them, communicate effectively with them, spend time with them, and let them know how much they matter. Using these strategies to build better relationships with their children will not just be more rewarding for parents, though. It will also help their children build better relationships with others because children use their parents as role models for how to behave and how to treat others.